Welcome To Marco Island Academy
Your First Day at Marco Island Academy.
The first day of school is mostly scary for the majority of people, and it's another level if it is the first day at Marco Island Academy. You should keep in mind that you surely aren't the only one that feels that way. You are not the only one in this school that feels the way that you are feeling now, even if that means, you’re sad, mad, scared, or happy.
Six Steps.
There are 6 steps that you should keep in your mind through this transition to Marco Island Academy.
Be Calm.
Remember that you are not the only one in a new school for the first time, and that there are people here that have your best interest. Think about breathing, and take just one day at a time.
Be Intrigued.
You are being intrigued, it can help take your mind off of the negative things that you could be thinking or going through. It can also help you explore what you like or want to do in your future.
Be Open Minded.
The more you open your mind to the positive things that could come out of the day, no matter what it’s, even if it is almost the end of the end or if you want to make new friends. Just be positive.
Be Grateful.
Even if you are having a hard time, smile and think about how much you have, compared to others that you don't know. Be grateful that you get a new start at a new school.
Be Prepared.
Understand that high is not a joke. That means that you need to do your best, but don't be nervous, because there are people here that are going to help you through it. Just bring your backpack, computer, pencils, and your homework but most of all your questions.
Be Present.
You don't know this now, but you will, soon. This time will fly by, this first day will be nothing to you soon enough, and you'll miss the feeling that you had on this first day, when you have no more time in high school. Most of all, don't waste your time.
Reflection commentary:
The form of this writing is in the form of a leaflet, the reason my its in this form is because that is what the question prompts you to do. The reason why I used this form was not only because that was what the prompt said but also the type of writing, but also it Indicates the type of form which is reflected off the style of writing.
For the Structure, I used headings and subheadings because I wanted to draw the reader's eye on those main things. Now when looking at the structure in a text format you can see that I didn't put it in a chronological order since it's not a story that is being told. Which means that it is in a sequential order, which means that it is succeeding or following an order, which you can see when I topic shift, from one step to another but it is also my transmission to the reader. When chronological is an order of time; earliest to middle to end. The reason that my paragraphs were shorter was due to the type of form that I used, meaning that my paragraphs should almost be like bullet points. You can see that I used color. The reason I did that was because I wanted it to come off as calming, and relaxing due to the fact that the first day of school at a new school can be scary.
Language in the leaflet that i wrote is somewhat improper. I tend to use the word ‘because’ is an underextension tone. What I mean by that is, when I use the word ‘because’ I use it in a very narrow way, which I really just throw the word around. As if I'm talking to someone. When just scanning the leaflet, it is seen that I use the word ‘you’ due to the fact that it is in second person, but I also used it because I want to make the reader understand that being in a new high school, or going to high school, is really all about them. Another reason why i used improper language is because my audience is a high schooler, that affects the type of language that you should be using. Example of this is “This time will fly by…” . This example shows the type of language that I used throughout the leaflet, the reason I used it is because of who my audience is.
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ReplyDeleteHello,
ReplyDeleteI think that you had done a very good job on this blog, i do however think that you could have individualized the topic a little more as the prompt said to make a leaflet for your school, but you did not put any specifics about your school. It was however written very well in terms of a leaflet giving advice to any school. You had also used around 760 words which was very good and i had really liked how you had organized your leaflet. There were a few small grammar errors and they did effect the overall message of the leaflet at times for example when you had said "Understand that high is not a joke." I also feel like you had used a lot of repetition throughout this entire article to make the word count higher. For example you had started off the paper by saying "You should keep in mind that you surely aren't the only one that feels that way. You are not the only one in this school that feels the way that you are feeling now."Overall i would give you 7 marks for AO2 because this was written very well and had given a lot of great advice but it was not directed towards your school.
I think that your analysis was also very good and also very in depth by using around 400 words. I believe that you had a clear analysis of the form structure and language in the text. I also think that you had a detailed analysis of the stylistic choices used so i would give you 6 marks for AO3.
Hi,
ReplyDeleteI feel like it's best to start off by addressing the amazing form that you wrote in. By taking the prompts ideas and incorporating them is normal, but this was ahead of the game. By writing a six step guide, you hit all features of the prompt whilst remaining unique and simultaneously being on prompt. This would be very telling of effective expression, however, you do not use a range of language writing things like, "you’re sad, mad, scared, or happy..." All super basic adjectives. These are high school students so don't be afraid to use some more advanced vocabulary. You did make a few mistakes in your writing, one of which impeded communication saying "Understand that high is not a joke." This could be considered a confusing sentence and would make the understanding difficult. You did hit the head on audience engagement and task achievement, bringing your score to a solid 8 for AO2.
When it comes to your commentary, there were most notably a couple of grammatical errors. Small errors like these show sloppy writing and should be avoided and not even be present in high tier writing. Not capitalizing "i" isn't acceptable. Besides that glaring mistake, the content of your commentary was actually good. You explained your reasons for writing certain things quite clearly but did get held up in describing the structure. You did describe structure for a healthy amount of wordage, but didn't really get anywhere in your description and reasoning eventually saying "When chronological is an order of time..." Having completely moved away from your "Sequential" descriptions. Overall I would give you a 3 on AO3. This combines for an overall score of 11/25.
Hi Payton, I would first like to say that I really liked the way you formatted your writing. Listing “Six Steps” was a really good way to catch the reader's attention, especially because they are incoming/ new students at our school. I think you understood the prompt really well, but the only thing I would say to work on is I feel that with some of your writing there was some repetition, for example you kept referring back to staying calm and positive, which is true but I feel with your points you could have extended more on that. There were also a few tiny grammar errors that are easily fixable. Overall for AO2- I give you a level 3 with 9 marks.
ReplyDeleteFor AO3, I like how you identified your 3 main points regarding structure, language, and form. You expressed why you did what you did thoroughly. You wrote a lot for your analysis which is something most people did not do, so for AO3 I will give you level 3 with 6 marks.
Overall score of a 15/25